thus making me awesome and them whores
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
