I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
