I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Pooping to opera.
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