I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize