I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
