i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
