As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
