atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
