We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
