just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He is an equal opportunity slut.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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