i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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