three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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