i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
