32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
