Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize