Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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