Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
