The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
