I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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