Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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