my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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