Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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