my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
