Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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