You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
