i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
