what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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