Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize