Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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