K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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