Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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