Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
