just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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