Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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