apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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