Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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