I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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