So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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