My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
