Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
