i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
