Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
