he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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