fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
