Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
