I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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