I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
