u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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