yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
