I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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