Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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