i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
