I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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