At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
