i was born a porn star she said
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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