I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
