I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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