I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
