i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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