I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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