so that wasnt chicken after all
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
