and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I checked into jail on foursquare
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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